What the MUCK?

 

Quicksand always seemed like it would be a bit more prominent in my life than it is. When I was younger, I guess there were so many cartoon episodes geared around how to handle getting out of being stuck in quicksand, that I just assumed it would be something I had to face one day.

Well, I wasn’t wrong. Actually, I was wrong when it comes to thinking it would literally be quicksand I face, but I wasn’t wrong in thinking something might come along and try to swallow me whole. I just didn’t realize my quicksand would be life.

That sounds dramatic, I know. But we have all had those times in our lives where everything seems like it isn’t where it’s supposed to be. You can’t seem to see your friends enough, or you feel like you aren’t meeting new, interesting people anymore. You don’t know what to do with your life or you feel like your aren’t in control of what happens to you in your career. Your relationships seem distant or nonexistent. You hate where you live. You lost your cat. You gained five pounds.

Whatever it is – it seems bad, and it comes from every direction. Slowly all sections of your life seem to be pulling you down, and you don’t know what to do. It’s almost like…you’re stuck in quicksand.

Or, as someone told me earlier this month, I’m stuck in muck.

It wasn’t until then that I realized just how unhappy I was with most things in my life. I felt constant anxiety. I just wanted to sleep all the time, and any invitation from friends I declined. I felt stuck. It all seemed like this “muck.” Muck that came from negative people in my life, muck from unresolved feelings within myself, muck from not knowing what to do at any given moment.

How did this happen and what the heck am I supposed to do now?

Much like quicksand, it is better to not freak out when stuck in muck. The more you try violently thrashing and fighting it, the more it will pull you in. You cannot be angry with the muck. I had to be strategic, and I had to start small.

I cleared my head and my space. I went through all of my things. I go rid of clothes and old memories in my apartment that did not benefit me.

Then, I deleted some numbers from my phone. Bought some fresh flowers. Opened my windows for a few hours. Sat quietly. I sat still and silent for the first time in a while because when confronted with quicksand and muck, it is best to stay calm. No reaching for a vine or in my case the bed covers.

When everything seems like it is either falling apart or already broken in a heap on the ground, I never seem to stop and look. I never take a moment and assess the situation. My concerns are always about where it went wrong or how to get out of it immediately.

Some things don’t have an overnight fix. I’m learning to get used to that.

How do you deal with muck? What is the muck in your life right now?

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2 comments

  1. I love this, Kimberly – your radical honesty and transparency in each blog post blows me away (yes, I read v religiously!). I never looked at muck before as quicksand, but you’re absolutely right in that analogy.

    I have the bad habit of ignoring my muck; of resolving that it will just “go away with time” – only it hasn’t. My muck is me tying my worth to my job. Since college, my confidence has dropped little by little with each hour spent in a corporate office (um, what?! Adults tell you that you get more confident with age!), yet I’m too scared to cut ties and go it on my own.

    I’m so glad that you let go of the belongings and phone numbers that weren’t bringing you joy. Sometimes an afternoon full of fresh flowers and sitting and sunshine is what’s best for a soul on the mend. You’ve got this. ❤ -Lindsay

    • Thank you so much for your insight Lindsay! I agree- the corporate life is something you have to get used to and sometimes it is just so darn exhausting and daunting. I’m glad I am not alone on this journey of confusion and muck!! 💕

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