Everyone Would Be Fine Without Me. And That’s Fine.

How utterly heartbreaking it is to realize everyone would be fine without you.

You could disappear today, and tomorrow everyone would still wake up and start their day. They would go to work or the store or the gym and maybe not even notice you were gone yet. It might take them a few days to realize they haven’t heard from you. Perhaps, if you live with someone they would notice sooner, but maybe only because your bed looked unusually neat or that coffee mug they bugged you about is still on the table. Maybe they wouldn’t. Maybe they would think you suddenly became very interested in making beds and very uninterested in listening to their gripes about dishes.

How overwhelmingly comforting it is to realize everyone would be fine without you.

If you left tomorrow to travel the world, everyone would still wake up and start their day. They would go get coffee or grab lunch or make dinner and maybe only miss you when they remember you won’t be there at the end of the day. Or won’t be available to meet up during the week anymore. It might even take them a few weeks to get used to the idea that you’ve left and may not be coming back.

How strange it is to realize you affect everyone and no one all at the same time. 

I could decide to go out and conquer the world or I could stay in bed and conquer 17 movies, and everyone in my life would maybe have the very same day, no matter my choices. When we make these choices in life, we think very intently about how things will affect others, which of course is never a bad thing. But at what point do we think overwhelmingly about how our choices will affect others more than how it will affect us? If at the end of the day, if I decided I want to change my name to Violet, dye my hair purple and move to Britain, my friends and family may miss me when I’m gone, but they aren’t going to stop living their lives.

If we each disappeared tomorrow, we would be missed by a lot of people. There would be crying and posters up and parties to remember you by, no doubt in my mind. But that disappearance only changed a part of their lives, not the entire thing. I have to stop thinking that changing my career path or missing a party or deciding to move across town is going to affect anyone else more than it is going to affect me.

We are so worried that our step in whatever direction we are going is going to change someone else’s path, that we forget why we wanted to take the step in the first place. At the end of the day, I will consider how things will affect the people I love, but I should also be on that list. Everyone is going to do what they believe is necessary and desirable in their own lives, so I  need to start doing the same.

How great it is to realize everyone is responsible for their own lives, first and foremost. 

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