My Beef With: Online Dating

Like many people my age, I have a love-hate relationship with online dating. I have tried so very hard to give it a chance; however, my definition of “giving it a chance” is signing up for an account, getting tired of it and deleting it after a few days. Once I deleted it after only a few hours. Obviously, I was really putting my head and heart into it.

However, I decided I wanted to try it out for at least a week. I owed it to myself to try it, whether it worked out or it didn’t, so the next time someone said, “Well, Kim have you tried online dating?” I could reply with, “Yeah I did Sheryl, get off my back!” This is obviously in the future when I am really good friends with Sheryl Crow.

I signed up for Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel and OkCupid and forced myself to at least give myself two weeks on them. I only could stand a week. Oh, well. I tried. It got me enough insight into explaining why I have such beef with online dating.

  • People will judge you for having one…even when they have one. Even by just writing this article, I am being judged for signing up for online dating sites. A few days after deleting Tinder from my phone, I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize with a screenshot of my profile. Was this to embarrass me? Did this person not know that if this was done to try to make fun of me, they were obviously not thinking about the fact they also had a profile? If you think it’s pathetic or funny to get an account in search of finding someone you connect with, look around the next dirty, loud bar you usually go to to find your soulmate, and tell me how that is working out for you.
  • Online catcalling is a thing, and it’s disturbing. Let’s all agree catcalling doesn’t work. Please show me a situation where a guy yelled, “Yo, pretty mama. You lookin’ fine today” resulted in a very nice date that evening. Well, put a screen in front of that same guy, and worse things come about. I’ve had guys use pick up lines that made me physically gag. Sometimes I just had to straight up ask if the line ever worked. No responses yet, though. I’m still collecting research. This phenomenon needs to be explained.
  • Judging is too easy. I have a pet peeve that is ridiculous and very superficial, but it’s something I can’t look past. I hate when guys wear flip flops. Maybe the underlying problem is I hate guys’ feet, but either way, it’s a huge NO for me. On OkCupid, under the “You should contact me if…” section, I wrote “If you don’t wear flip flops or if you have a really great excuse as to why you do. I’m all ears.” Surprisingly enough, many guys didn’t and for some reason, I was like yeah, let’s chat it up! However, when a guy answered with “Yeah, I love flip flops. I wear them all year round actually,” I was horrified. Even though we disagreed on taste in footwear (please someone help that poor, cold-footed man), I had to wonder if I may have missed out on a great connection just because he wore flip flops. I could easily weed out a lot of potential connections by just being picky on a shoe. In reality, what if I met a great person and fell in love with them, AND THEN found out they wore flip flops. I would like to say I would stay with them… okay, I probably would. But online dating lets me be the pickiest I could ever be, and I don’t think someone should give me that kind of power.
  • Chemistry can’t be felt through a computer. After reading Aziz Ansari’s book Modern Romance, which I highly recommend especially on audiobook because he yells at you for being lazy, I realized that dating sites actually recommend people using the site for meeting people and not for having a full relationship on. The creators encourage users to chat for a maximum of six messages back and forth and then decide on a meeting place. What? Are you crazy?! Six messages and I am supposed to know that I want to at least spend an hour of my time with a guy? This is how I saw this going.

Guy: “Hey, how are you?”

Me: “Hi! I’m good. How are you?”

Guy: “I’m good, too. You have a great profile. What’s your favorite kind of pizza?”

Me: “Thanks! I would have to say I like extra cheese and pepperoni. What about you?”

Guy: “Nice. I am a meat lovers kind of guy. Oh and also, I wear flip flops all year round.”

NOOOOOO.

  • Girls don’t feel safe. We do however feel creeped out. On OkCupid, the site notifies you every time someone goes to your profile. That means, I can see if a guy has looked at my profile fifteen times in the last hour. That’s the equivalent of a guy passing by me and staring at me from head to foot fifteen times without saying one thing to me. My immediate reaction would be that he is judging how easy it would be for me to fit in the trunk of his car. Then there is the whole “You can come to my place” message when you are discussing meeting up. I will always assume your place looks like the dirty bathroom from the first Saw movie. I don’t have the willpower to cut off my own hand to escape, so I think I will pass on that movie night, thanks though.

I’ve heard of people meeting their long-term significant others and even spouses on dating sites. However, I have also heard of many people having the worst dating experiences of their lives from online dating as well. That may just be how dating goes in general, online included.

However, there is a new app called Bumble that gives the girl the responsibility of starting a conversation. So…there may be more research to come.

What are your thoughts? Would you ever try or have you ever tried online dating?

Would you ever date a guy who wore flip flops year-round?

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4 comments

  1. I have online dated… and I’ll admit it’s mainly been terrible (however I do have a lot of blog material now…), I think it was worth it, it taught me a lot about what I didn’t want and actually made me a lot more confident meeting people!

    • Once I actually go on a date with someone I have met alone, I will let you know if it does the same for me! However, the silver lining is all of that great blog material, right?

  2. Wait, are there people who online date and expect the relationship to be ONLY online? Is that a thing? I’m really confused by your point about chemistry…. obviously online dating is to make an initial connection and then meet up. Right? Also, unless very busy, I’m perfectly happy to spend an hour of my time meeting someone new – I do it all the time, for dating, for new friends, for friends of a friends, and for my job. It comes with a life of moving and traveling I think! I love using MeetUp to find book clubs and exercise groups, and CouchSurfing when I’m traveling to meet locals and travelers! To me online dating isn’t that different. Are other people not into meeting new people? Am I the only one who makes time to meet the friend of a friend’s brother who’s passing through my city or get coffee with the lady I met on the airplane? Yes?

    I’ve done online dating for a couple months here and there when I moved to a new city and had the time and I’m ALL about meeting up within a few messages – I can usually tell by someone’s writing if we would get along. Bad grammar? Nope. Nice humor and great spelling? Yes. Thus far my judgement has always been correct and I’ve only gone on nice dates! I think I’m the odd one out though. (Although I’ve only gone on maybe 4 dates – then deleted the account because I got busy or met someone). But I’m actually still friends with some of the guys I went on dates with, and one I dated for a few months. I move a lot and meet both friends and romantic interests through online groups so I just don’t see the oddity. This was long – I guess like you said I’m tired of being judged for starting a lot of my connecting and social life online, but when you live in five cities in 3 years it’s a great strategy!

    • Hi Mary Ellen! This post was just my own opinions on online dating. Personally, I have talked with a few friends who have felt like they had a good connection online, but it never went further than that. For myself, I am would like to know a person a little bit better before I meet them, but that doesn’t replace the chemistry of meeting someone in person. I’m glad you have a better understanding of the whole process of online dating and that you have met some in person! I recently met up with someone I met through a dating site, and it was a nice evening. Nothing really came from it, but it was a good experience. I say keep doing you and maybe online dating will work out! For me, I just don’t know if it’s for me. This post was in no way meant to talk badly of those who enjoy online dating! Thank you for your response!

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