Don’t EVER Try to Be the Cool Girl

Read Gone Girl. It’s been all over the internet with its movie adaptation coming out in October, so I know you have seen this title before. Just like everyone else who has read it, I’m telling you to read it and pass it on to another. I highly recommend it to everyone but especially females. Why? Because of the Cool Girl description which will make everything you have ever done in your life make sense (okay, maybe not everything. But almost everything when it comes to dating in college.)

Who is the typical* Cool Girl?

As Gillian Flynn states, the Cool Girl is the woman every guy expects to find in their lifetime. Their soul mate. The perfect lady. Personally, I don’t think every guy thinks this girl exists because, well, that would be highly depressing if every man did. If you want to read the actual passage, the first quote on this link will give it to you. Some of the language isn’t exactly what I would love to publish on my blog, but I’m giving you the option to see it as it should be read. But, essentially the Cool Girl:

Is brilliant, funny, beautiful, witty, charismatic while also having no opinions opposing yours

Is interested in every sport and watching them with you

Loves drinking beer and eating pizza

Keeps the house/apartment spotless and even LIKES to clean up after you

Can cook anything and everything (almost) as good as your mother

Will perform all duties of a 50s housewife without a sigh

Accepts and understands all of your decisions such as wanting to go out drinking with your guys without prior notice, impromtu guys weekends, ditching dinner with her family because you “don’t feel like it”, general instances in which you would consider doormats to not complain about

* I say typical because Flynn also mentions that this girl can vary depending on a man’s preferences. She mentions if a guy is a vegetarian, his Cool Girl loves meat alternatives and is great with dogs. See where we are going with this?

Does the Cool Girl exist?

No. HECK TO THE NO. No woman ever in the history of the world is like this to a T. Yes, some women love sports and watching them with her man. I personally love drinking beer and eating pizza. However, for every item on this list to occur at the same point in time, means this woman wants to be the Cool Girl because the guy she is interested in has expected no less from his dating prospects. She will morph herself into this seemingly inhuman being who suddenly loves everything this guy expects because her whole life has led up to this moment: she is going to have to change for the one she loves.

So, why is this ground breaking discovery important to not only females, but everyone?

Because we ALL do this at some point in our lives. We watch hundreds of movies that show this Cool Girl getting the guy because she is seemingly perfect. My best example is Mila Kunis in Friends with Benefits with Justin Timberlake. It pains me to expose her like this because I dearly love the movie, but she is supposed to be the Cool Girl who only wants to have a physical relationship with Justin while also being best friends with him and drinking beer. This is probably the typical college guy’s definition of a Cool Girl. No. JUST NO. This is very unrealistic and you can write me a personal letter telling me that you have met a girl like this and she is genuinely happy with this situation and is being 500% honest with you, but I won’t believe you until you do.

We think someone won’t love us if we don’t adapt to what is expected of us. If we aren’t neat and tidy, no one is going to want to marry us. If we don’t have the money to always pay for our partner’s dinner, they will surely leave. If we aren’t at a record store every Sunday look for new tunes, or buried in a book every free second, or or or… We won’t find someone to love the Normal Girl, the Strange Girl, the Dorky Guy, the Person We Each Are Who Really Can’t Be Described In One Adjective.

It’s all going to crash down and even out in the long run. 

Essentially, if anyone decides to be this Cool Girl or Cool Guy to be with someone, the truth will come out. As in the book, it ends up all crashing down, and people will see you for who you really are. (Don’t worry: that seems like a spoiler, but it isn’t. And you still need to read the book!) One time I really wanted to fit in with a new friend group and I pretended like I was in love with OutKast. I’m not sure why I thought that was necessary, but to me, it was vital that I knew every song and could discuss them in-depth. You know how much work it is to listen to every song enough that you vaguely remember the words for a band you don’t even particularly like? It’s really, really difficult and annoying.

Isn’t it easier to just be yourself and wait for someone who actually thinks the Real You is super cool? I know that sounds like the moral of a story from Chicken Soul for the Preteen’s Soul, but it’s so true. Listen to me! I listened to “Hey Ya” more than any of you ever will, so I know what I’m talking about, okay!

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