These last two weeks I have had the case of feelings (ew gross, right?). Like most people, I hate feeling unpleasant things such as anger, sadness, frustration, stress, and hunger. Even though I’m pretty sure that last one is just a physical state. But hey, it still sucks. Anyways, with all these feelings boiling to the surface, it got me thinking about why this time they have been so intense.
The Correct Answer is: because I repress them! Yay, 100 points for Gryffindor.
Seeking professional advice, I consulted my closest friends about what they do when they are feeling something so intense, such as sadness. My old roommate told me she wallows in it; she goes full-blown sad and watches sad movies or listens to sad music and just cries. After she is done mopping, she feels better and sleeps better. Sure, she has a headache post-tears, but if she didn’t get it out, she claims it would be worse the next time around. One of my friends in my major says her friend decides every Wednesday is “Crying Day” and watches a sad movie and lets everything out. I don’t think I could watch Bicentennial Man that often… My teacher friend went the opposite route and listened to happy music, got a bath with some good wine, and just soaked in everything she loved in life.
So, from my research I had found out that there is absolutely no perfect equation for getting over sadness.
These ladies I asked are so strong and influence my life so much that I took their advice to heart. However, when I tried the wallowing I started writing a really sad poem about bunnies that I would prefer never to speak about again, and when I tried to go the happy route, it worked for about five minutes and then I would crash back into my slump. So, what the heck do when I’m feeling sad, or crazy, or angry, or frustrated?
I decided I needed to just feel it. I wrote about it, ate some of my favorite food, watched my favorite show, and when I felt like I needed to scream or cry, I did. At times, I zoned out and started wallowing, but I eventually shook it from my head, sighed deeply and moved on. And you know what? I felt better because I was recognizing what I was feeling and why I was feeling it. Then, I got over it.
Every emotion we have is valid. You feel disappointed with a friend because you believed they would show up to that show you cared about because you would do the same for them. You feel hurt and rejected because you really liked your date, and they stood you up. You feel sad because you thought you knew what you were doing with your life and now you are unsure. IT ALL MATTERS, AND IT ALL NEEDS TO BE FELT.
No one likes feeling bad. I try everyday to be the happiest and most positive person I can be, but that doesn’t mean I should respond to getting slapped in the face with a smile. Sure, women are looked at as being crazy when we express our emotions, and yeah, men don’t like expressing anything (so I’m told), but it needs to happen. The only way dealing with your feelings can hurt is if you don’t do anything about it after we get over our problems. Take up boxing so no one ever slaps you in the face again. Find a different friend to go to that show with. Date someone who isn’t a total L-7 loser, and discover your new passions. Decide what went wrong, and try to prevent it from happening again.
Right now, I am feeling refreshed, happy and slightly hungry. So, I’m going to drink a great cup of coffee, listen to John Mayer and eat some leftover Valentine’s Day candy. See? This is easy.