How to Cheat on New Year’s Resolutions

Today marks exactly two weeks from 2014. First off, where the heck did 2013 go? It seems like a few weeks ago I decided to chop all of my hair off and immediately regret my decision. But somehow, here I am: hair only four inches longer and living only somewhat more adult-like than I was 12 months ago. Second, in three months I turn 21 which is bizarre. Sometimes I have to actively remind myself I am not 16 anymore. Is that weird?

For the first year ever, I have all my Christmas shopping done a week before the holiday. Besides baking, all I have left is the waiting which is the worst, especially since my family loves to tease each other about what may or may not be under the tree. All I know is Christmas better hurry because there are a lot of all-natural cosmetic items from Lush under there, and my dog is known to be curious and hungry.

However, instead of shaking the presents this week, I have decided to cheat on my New Year’s resolutions. “How?” you say. Well, I shall share my notes; however, if the anyone catches you cheating, you are on your own.

1. Studies say (which I believe in a study such as this like I still believe in Santa) that it takes between two weeks and 21 days to form a habit. This means if you start all of those resolutions TODAY you will already be used to them by the new year. No more torturing yourself on New Year’s by not eating that chocolate bar or getting a new gym membership because you will have already thrown away all the Christmas candy and gone to the gym every day for two weeks! Now, I am not saying you should toss all of those homemade desserts because I do not condone wasting beautiful things. But whatever your resolutions are going to be, get a head start. All of your friends will be dreading 2014 while you’ll not even realize your life changing. Because it won’t. Because you will have already started the change. Get it?

2. Now, the two week head start can either be super easy or extremely difficult depending on your resolutions, so here is my advice: make your resolutions simple. “I’m going to cut sugar out of my diet,” you say. Ha, yeah okay, you know what that will end with? A very depressed, disgruntled and ashamed you sitting on the floor in front of the open freezer door finishing off the last three gallons of Ben & Jerry’s in two days. Your goals should be realistic and not too time consuming. Don’t give up cake- just don’t eat the whole thing in one sitting! Smaller resolutions-working out for 20 minutes a day- can also lead you to bigger resolutions down the road- working out for an hour a day.

3. Give yourself a task to complete each day. Sure everyone has “be more positive” or “get into shape” or “fall in love” (ew) on their list, but you know how non-specific those are? Do you even know how to do those things in a step-by-step format? Making sure you smile more each day could be a start to increased positivity. Drinking 8 glasses of water a day helps your body stay hydrated and healthy. Hugging more people could…? Sorry, I have no advice for falling in love. You see my point though. By checking off small goals each day, you will feel accomplished all year!

Now that you know how I cheat, here are my “resolutions” for 2014

  • Watch all movies Leonardo DiCaprio has starred in
  • Smile at everyone (or most everyone) I see during the day
  • Drink 60 ounces of water each day
  • Read a new book every two weeks
  • Write down one good thing that happened each day (or more!)
  • Start a fund for getting a corgi and/or Macbook Air
  • Collect old tea cups and coffee mugs from each thrift store I encounter
  • Actually save and look at my resolutions during the year

Guess how many I have started? Here’s a hint: I’m close to needing a new Brita filter for my water bottle and What’s Eating Gilbert Grape has already been check off my Leo list.


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